That Eerie Feeling…

Here is the first line of my year end recap on my personal blog :

“Life always balances out! Always – This was to be a fantastic year but it ended on a somber note.”

I was talking about my personal year above not reviewing the year of the Indian cricket team in one sentence, but how apt it seems now! . They started the year by drawing the series in SA 1-1 after being bowled out for 136 in the first test, winning a test in Durban and Sachin playing that awesome knock in Capetown. Then came the pinnacle - the WC win. It was so exhilarating that I can never forget that mind-blowing experience of having watched it live. Then it all slipped – First Dominica – it left me uneasy, and then England – injuries, weakened team - I tried to hold my chin up, and then Aus happened, all seemed fine till that 4th day in MCG, then the Clarke-Ponting-Hussey partnerships ruined it further at SCG. I took it all in my stride, believing in positive vibes, not cursing the team ( can never curse this team – they have given me 10 years of my best cricketing memories) , still believing that we will bounce back; but today Warner dealt the final nail in my faith’s coffin – 104 off 80 balls when India managed only 161.

2011 ended on a sorry note with that MCG loss and 2012 has begun in far worse manner than I had ever imagined. I can’t even explain what has gone wrong – I know what has gone wrong, I can’t explain the reasons for this shambolic performance. I can’t, I’m so gutted – I haven’t felt so miserable since 99-00 Season ( 5 straight losses to Aus away and SA at home in that 99-00 season). This team had made me forget that feeling and now it’s the very team that is bringing back the horrors of 90s and the nightmares along with it.

And in all this mayhem how the hell is the cricket fan in me supposed to stick to my new year resolution:

“This year I make another promise – to be happy, to smile more no matter what and to believe in myself.”

From where do I find a reason to smile when the team is in absolute disarray. From where do I find my belief and faith in this team? It hurts so much that I can’t even find the anger in me to vent it all out. This crap that I’m seeing since Lords 2011 is making me die a slow death.

I’m afraid I may switch off like I did from ODIs post WC2007 and that is scaring the hell out of me right now!